what to do now.... ?

im @ my desk ... im in the bathroom aka my office ..lol walking home .. in bed .. im the bath i cant stop thinking of my ......

this has been a not soo good week for me
my world is sort of crumbling infront of my eyes
the moment i tried to keep myself company or occupied while being alone .. i tried to send alil info that i thought would be fun to hear to my special person... not a good idea

the reply was supposed to be a fun text ...but it was sooooooo hurtfulll and life altering ....

i cant eat i dont sleep ... i dont focus on my job .... he is my air ... my water ... my pulse .... he is a necessity .. why doesnt he know this .... or rather why doesnt he believe this ... my heart is in critical condition right now....

what do i do now ........

i want to just be silent and let nature take its course .. but i cant im afraid some other mother nature will cross my path ... but i know sometimes agression or persistance as far as reaching out to a person... isnt alway a good idea ... so i am trying to chilll but everytime i look up look left look sideways i think of my mr .....
where r u
please come back ... i have never felt sooo hurt really i havent ever felt this way before ...
i know i am a very emotional person .. but sheesh at this point iam beyond emotional .. sheesh i think i have cried a river literally .. no bueno


i write these blogs .. because when i write i can just express my feeling altho theese words are here for the world to see.
but me writing just allows me to express with No interuption... no judgement well at least not right away until people begin to comment lol

but i dont care
i enjoy expressing myself thru words... especially written ... i used to write poetry .. as he does ... i sing at home to myself ... i call it tones from my soul .... these words i write.. are my sriptions from my soul....

Styles By Chimere .... Learns

over the last 7 months i have learned .... so many things

i learned to know my worth ... especially in the business world. i learned that i have paid my dues.
i have been doing fashion for almost 10 years. i do alot of things for free for my people ... my models or customers or fashion shows simply because i love love love what i do.

but there comes a time when things being free or under-estimating my worth .... must come to an end.. n it has. sorry no more freebies.

someone special to me .. says "CTC" CUT THE CHECK ... luv it ... well said mr

its not a personal thing it just Business... if you cant respect it then ... just walk away!

i learned to never to wear my heart on my sleeve ...because no one will ever take better care of it than me. so i now ... i must keep my feeling to myself even if the other has poored their out to me 1st n even then i will be skeptical.

also the suprising thing to me .. within this past week .. is that all though a person spells out how they feel for a particualar individual ... they person may not take heed.

or it is very possible that one can just walk away dead smack in the midst of a building a very special bond.

i think i was left hanging because of judgement and assumption and also being put in category based on my age.

or maybe someone was begining to fall for chi chi and instead of expressing their feelings and fear. its just easier to walk away and disreguard how the other feels.
especially when the one who has expressed significant amounts of love love n more love for one... but really has no info ... no details.... no address... no background... for their said love....
what is his name ...... i call him my Batman ... he has simply drove away in his fancy auto-mobile and vanished........................................................................................................... flat line ........... my heart no longer beats

ME........ within Styles By Chimere

Looking after myself should be my No.1 priority. it is difficult to put myself 1st when so many other areas of life also need my attenion. but unless i look after my needs, i wont have anything to give others. I will be putting a A Sign on my door and over my Heart ...the reads ... Back Soon and attend to more pressing issues ..... ME

STYLES BY CHIMERE .... HOLDS TEARS

ITS SOOOO HARD TO HOLD BACK TEARS WHEN .... someone or something just crushed your heart and soul....


i can only imagine when simese twins are bounded by their hearts then they are separrated ... one dies because one cant live with out the other .....

for the past 7 months i was bonded by the heart to a particular something.. then it was removed.......................................................................................................... how do i live with out my other half ... it was suppposed to be me and him against the world

fear takes a toll on me people and their way of thinking
especially .. for MEN